Tuesday, April 19, 2011



Ever have one of those weekends that make you wish you could just fall off the face of the planet? One of those weekends that absolutely everything went wrong and you forgot to bring your benzos to get through the moment when you wanted to choke a cop? One of those weekends that you just have to (Sorta) laugh when it's over and hope that your kids remember that you laughed at it- In turn, giving them coping skills?

On Friday, I had been out most of the day. On my way from picking up Garret, I sent Dave a text. "Make sure Liam's dressed. I'm taking them out after we drop you off at work.". "All he has to do is put his shoes back on." "He needs socks, too.".

Get EVERYONE in the car, get Dave to work, have a few more errands to run before we go to Kids Place... But I happen to ask Liam, "Do you have socks on?" "No." Of course he doesn't. Why doesn't he? Because his father is absolutely useless when it comes to anything but a Blackhawk 97% of the time. (The ONLY reason I keep him around- He does laundry.) After I get done buying socks for the kids, it's entirely to late to drive across town in rush hour traffic to go to Kid's Place and then make it back on time to pick up Dave. Disappointed kids. Bribe them with Chick-Fil-A and massive cupcakes. We all know I'm not above bribery.

Pick Dave up. Go to Buy Buy Baby to look at a new umbrella stroller... I shouldn't say umbrella stroller, because these things are the size of mini strollers, but have the price tags of full size strollers. 189 for an umbrella stroller? Bring it on, bitch. Although, I'm a firm believer in "You get what you pay for". I'm also tall. I don't want to buy a 10 dollar stroller from Wal-Hell and spend the next two days before it breaks using it hunched over like Quasimodo with tits and better hair.

Now, I don't know what happened to the husband I married who deferred all baby making purchases to me, but he wasn't there Friday. We spent over an hour in Buy Buy Baby arguing over the pros and cons of three strollers. OVER AN HOUR. If he had just gone with the one I wanted, we could have been out of there in 10 minutes. But no, we had to do that bullshit compromise thing. And the stroller we settled on is great. If you don't have to take it off pavement or relatively level grass. But it's an umbrella stroller. You can only expect so much out of a 150 stroller. Right? Or maybe I'm just nuts.

Saturday. Oh Saturday, how I want to kick you in the teeth. Wake everyone up... It's SCIENCE CENTER DAY!!!! Apparently it's also "Thunder Over Louisville Day", but I had no idea about all that noise. So we get up, get going down there, start following the GPS on the phone... And all of a sudden there's blocked streets and traffic. WTF. Then we start seeing signs for parking. Some dude was renting his driveway for 30 bucks a car. So we're all like... Hmmmmm Following the GPS, and it tells us to turn right. We turn right. We get hit in the ass end of our car. By a city employee. A city employee who went strait through a right turn only lane.

Fuck me. Well, because every cop this side of the Ohio River is at Thunder Over Louisville, it took 2, yes 2... TWO, hours to get a cop out there. We stood outside and sat in the car for 2 hours with the boys in the car while everyone and their cousin drove by us, almost hitting us multiple times trying to cut each other off. We had a one stop and ask "Is there a reason that this car is parked here?", to which I responded, "This is where we've decided to watch the Air Show... After we had an accident." That was the 2nd stupidest statement/question I've ever heard from a cop. The first was when we dialed 911 for a car fire, they sent a cop. (Why not an firetruck, Who the fuck knows. They did the same thing to a friend who was giving birth on her porch. Fucking Clarksville, Tn.) He looked at our car and said, I shit you not, "Yup, you got a fire under thur..." and radioed for a fire truck.

So when he did finally show up, he stood by some sheriffs and talked to them for 40 minutes before coming over and taking our "Statement". 3 hours after this dumbshit hit us, the cop comes back to us and says, "It's probably not such a good idea to go to the Science Center today.".


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