Monday, April 25, 2011

Fifteen and 16, all wrapped into one, because I'm doing it at the same time.

Holy Hell.

That's really all I can say.

(As I'm typing this, I'm also watching DVR'd Royal Wedding coverage, so excuse the interjections. She's got a cracked rib? But she refuses to miss the wedding? What a fucking trooper.)

I finally got tired of hearing Dave bitch. He had 5 fillings done about 6 months ago. He told that god damn piece of shit dentist that the tooth was bothering him, but they told him it was fine. And it kept bothering him. (Awwww, her mom isn't a cunt and trying to upstage her daughter! I'm impressed!) I made him go to Urgent Care. They gave him anti-biotics. He got better. Started bothering him again. He bitched and moaned for about 3 weeks.

Now. I can NOT stand it when a grown fucking assed man who spent a year in a war zone and then 18 months in Korea and somehow managed to make it through surgery on his own can't pick up the phone and handle something as easy as making a dentist appointment. I can't comprehend how it doesn't cross his mind. I don't understand how everyone of those aircraft he has a part of inspecting doesn't fucking crash- Because if he is anything at work like he's at home... Well you see where I'm going with this.

Finally, I broke down and called another dentist who bailed me out of a jam earlier this year. They got him that afternoon. Great. (God, the British don't age well. Is it me, or do they tend to start looking like frogs after the age of 60? Maybe it's because they start losing their teeth. Shitty dental care there, too) The tooth that had been bothering him was almost completely abscessed. Root Canal/Crown or pull it. Now, we have GREAT dental insurance, but it still cost us 200 bucks. Obviously, he opts for the Root Canal/Crown option. Otherwise, we'd be heading for divorce court. I refuse to be married to a man who doesn't have all this teeth- Real or otherwise. I might live in Kentucky- But I refuse to look like we live in Kentucky. LOL

Anyway, now I shouldn't be bitching about 200 bucks out of pocket for 1300 of work, but I'm pissed that we have to spend it when it should have been a simple filling 6 months ago. So, he goes back the next day. (Really, Camilla... Should you REALLY be there? T-A-C-K-Y. I don't care if you're married to his father or not. The British are so much politer than I am. HOLY SHIT SARAH FERGESON'S CHILDREN.  WE COULD PLAY SKEE-BALL THROUGH YOUR HEAD PIECES. One of them looks like an ornate toilet seat. Not to mention that you look like a common 5 dollar whores- The kind you pay 5 dollars to go away. FUCK.)

3 hours in the chair. They can't finish it. Has to go back Thursday. Thank god he spent Wednesday night home, because I came down with a combination of Ebola/Aids/The Plague/Pregnancy/Death. I was up all night puking up my toenails. (All white/ivory wedding party? Bold choice... And for 85 years old, she is rocking that yellow like a 20 year old.- I'm not all bitter and angry. LOL) And the entire time that I'm up on Wednesday night puking up my toenails, he's whining like a little bitch about how bad it hurts

Well you stupid asshole, had you called the dentist before now, maybe it wouldn't be that bad. Yeah. It makes me a bad wife. I don't have sympathy when you continously do stupid things with the same result, expecting the result to change the next time you procrastinate. Not that he wasn't helpful to me on Wed, but still. It's a never ending cycle

So he's back at the Dentist on Thursday, another 3.5 hours in the chair. Comes home at 7pm. "OWWWWWWWW, It hurtssssssssss...." Really? Great. (Ok, I've seen the dress on CNN before this, and it's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful... And how she managed to keep it a secret until now? Amazing.) "I'm hungryyyyyy." Really, buddy?

And then I start puking again. And then he realizes that it's not all about him, because he can stand up without falling over or throwing up. And he mans up and takes care of everything else for the night, while I laid on the couch. (Needs bigger flowers. Not bigger than your head, but smaller than your fist? Come on.) He took the kids to school for me today, too. Big improvement over what would have usually happened.

So the question I pose is this: How do you make a 30 year old man FINALLY realize it's not all about him? Mothers know that sometimes we have to work through the pain and just do what we need to do, where as men come down this a freaking sniffle and it's like they are going to die on the rack while being boiled in hot oil? (Longest. Isle. Ever.) I do realize that it's a little late in the marriage to try to sleep train the man now, but shit. I'm tired of feeling like the only adult in the house most of the time. (Oh, no wonder the chairs were turned that way. They can't see the actual ceremony anyway. LAME. Could you imagine being one of those people stuck in the corner? I'd be watching it live on my iPhone Via my BBC App just so I could see what I was hearing!)

And just now, after watching him take his pain meds, and asking him if he needed to take them to work with him, getting told no, I get a text that said, "Did I leave my meds at home?" "Yes. I asked you if you needed them, and you said no." "I thought I put them in my lunchbox." "Reread my last text. That makes NO sense.".

No, dummy. I asked you that as you had them in your hand. How could they be in your lunchbox if they were also in your hand? Did they have sex and have little lortab and amoxicillian babies? I swear to god, if I weren't around...

Except I know that he can do it. He has done it. So either he reverts to childhood, or just gets lazy. And I'm not sure what pisses me off more.

So the rest of this will be about the Royal Wedding
Aw... He told her that she looked so beautiful. Stop whispering, you too! It's almost to cute, making me want to vomit again. Giggle. So much hope. Wait until he needs a fucking root canal and won't call the dentist himself.

I always want someone to stand up and scream "NO KATE, YOU CAN'T MARRY HIM!!! YOU'RE CARRYING MY BABY" or "NO WILLIAM!!! YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED THAT COW LIKE NOTHING YOU'D EVER SEEN BEFORE!!!"... But it never happens that way. Just someone coughing at at the most inopportune time, getting my heart all aflutter.

I think Kate's dad forgot his line, "Her mother and I".

I can totally understand him not wearing a ring. He can't wear it at work. It's annoying, they get lost. We've lost to many to count. Not worth it. And honestly... Does it matter? It's not like anyone in the free world isn't going to know 2 things. 1) He's Prince Fucking William Something Something Luis. B) He just got married in a 34 million dollar wedding ceremony. 3) He's probably going to Leap Frog over his father for the British Crown. While it might seem like a wingman all in itself, I'm going with it's probably the greatest birthright, cockblock ever. When 2 billion people watch your wedding, your cheating days are a bit numbered.

The way this priest is holding his hands up is making me think he's going to crack their skulls together.

So, they are married now. Are they going to watch the remainder of their ceremony as spectators? Church of England weddings are confusing. I'm waiting for them to bring out slaves and lions. Wait. Then this bitch is yawning. You're personally invited to the social event of the century and it's boring you. Send your invite to me so I can comment from the actual Abbey and not couch quarterback it while Shane's screaming at me about not being able to pull all the laundry out of the basket.

That nun with the white hair is sleeping. I'm having a hard time staying awake through this guy's reading, too.

Shane likes Boys Chamber Choir music... I think he's faking me out to make me think he likes the music so he can turn the Xbox on and off.

Oh wait, they are standing up again. But that Nun is still sleeping. ^5 to her, I suppose. I guess when you've lived that long, you are allowed to sleep through whatever the hell you want to, right?

I guess when you are the Queen, you don't have to sing "God Save the Queen.".

Ok, is it just me, but does William occasionally look like a Chester?

Honestly, they look happy... Really happy in comparison to Charles and Di... I'm not a romantic-y, dream of being a princessy girl, but ya gotta hope that they can make it under all the public pressure... Or hope that he's better at hiding his 40 year affair.

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