Five

So, I fall out of bed at 6:30 this morning and am greeted by L. "Mom, my stomach hurts.".

Ok, now in a house full of boys, this is usually caused by four things. 1) To much playing outside, not enough water. Usually tandem with being dizzy, feeling funny, floaty, or weak legged. 2) Trying to get out of school. We've had plenty of this Anxiety crap this year, but I let it ride sometimes. 3) Actual illness. 4) Forgetting to poop.

My first question to him was, "Did you poop yesterday?" "No" "Go poop".

G and I were getting ready, and I'm in a full on battle with the cafeteria manager of G's new school. (Don't stamp my kid's hand with the amount of money he owes. We know. He's NEW. We didn't know when his lunch account would transfer over. BITE MY ASS.) "MOM... I still don't feel good. I'm going back to bed."

Um. Ok.

Now, when L's made up his mind about something, there's usually no arguing with him. You can tell him to do otherwise and he will- But he will just give you death eyes and mutter under his breath about how much you suck the entire time.

Take G to school, come back, S is screaming. Teeth. Fuck me. I pull him out of bed and check on L. "Can I watch TV." "No" "Ok".

I come out to the living room to feed S, and pause the Gabba we're watching and hear the TV. WTF. "L! What are you doing?" "I'm watching TV, duh." "Didn't I tell you no?" "Yeah." "So why did you turn on your TV?" "Because you told me I could press the button." "Um, try again." "Ok, mom, mainly because I wanted to.".

So I tell him to go lay down. I'm still dealing with the S, and I hit Shaken Baby Syndrome Threshold. I go put him in his crib, and go check on L. "How you feeling." "My stomach still hurts and I have a mild fever." I start laughing. "No Mom, it's really not funny." "How are you self diagnosing?" "Well, my stomach hurts and my head feels a little warm. That's how I know it's a mild fever and not a major one."

And my world spins madly on...